Broke in Bangkok

 

As published in The Sun              

 

Bangkok is not the place to be when you’re fatigued, broke, alone, depressed and have fond memories of your last visit there with your family ages ago.

 

The sheer size of the sprawling city is exasperating enough, and then there’s the overwhelming number of Bangkokians you have to fight with for breathing room.

 

With a little bit more money, you can opt for solitude in a decent single-bedded hotel room. But when you’re bust, you find yourself in a six-bedded backpacker’s dorm with big-currency European teenagers walking in and out of your life on a daily basis.

 

If you’re observant, you might notice that Bangkok is nothing like Kuala Lumpur. The traffic is more sobering and drivers honk more than they swear.

 

The air pollution on the other hand makes strolling down Pudu Raya during peak hour a walk in a very nyaman park. Just a stroll around the block and you’ll find that you have at least three layers of tuk-tuk crap on your face.

 

Now imagine being broke enough that you have to walk almost everywhere you go. By the time you get back to your public bedroom at night, you’ll feel like a local cuisine with your insides marinated in diesel fumes and your skin smothered with toxic gunk.

 

Some days your feet may be too flat and swollen for long walks that you find yourself sacrificing your evening ice cream for a quick ride on the Skytrain (the Bangkok version of our LRT).

 

But just before you say “Ahh … just like home”, you start sniffing around the crowded after-work train for funky bodily scents only to discover that nothing smells unusual.

 

Just to check for consistency, you jump onto the Skytrain again the next day to be among the after-work crowd. Yes … apparently train-riding Bangkokians, despite the unnatural humidity of the city, have their body odour under control.

 

No, not like home at all.

 

As you walk out of the train with your head bowed low in disappointment and homesickness, the last thing you need is a culture shock.

 

But as the clock strikes 6pm, a serious sounding tune blasts through the station’s public announcement system and every single soul in the bustling station freezes to sing the national anthem.

 

At this point, don’t be surprised to find yourself suddenly statue-like too. Yes, it could be that you are a respectful foreigner. Or perhaps you’re shy and don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, worming your way through frozen Thais to get to the nearest exit.

 

It is most likely however that you are stunned, because back home people just carry on chit-chatting over their teh tarik even though children at the school next door are screaming Negaraku on top of their lungs.

 

Attitudes seem different in Bangkok. And this is certainly the case at the Chulalongkorn University where staff and students are courteous despite serious language barriers.

 

(Thais are generally language nationalists and do not ascribe civilisation to the English language, unlike some of its neighbours. Your average Thai therefore, does not speak or understand much English).

 

If you find yourself lost on campus, worry not. Most varsity members would go through great lengths to help you find your way around and make you feel welcomed, including walking you all the way across campus to the faculty or department you’re looking for.

 

In Malaysia on the other hand, varsity staff prefer to drag their feet and borak with their colleagues while you wait. Only when they’re ready will they deal with you in an intimidating you-are-taking-up-my-tea-break-time-so-get-on-with-it fashion.

 

So, as you walk down the Stytrain station thinking about all this, you probably won’t notice if a chewing gum wrapper escaped from your pocket.

 

This is probably when a vigilant policeman approaches you and asks you to follow him to a less public area behind a row of tuk-tuk where his comrade awaits.

 

Here, you may be found guilty of littering. Nevertheless, you are assured you will not be deported or severely sentenced by the courts if you just “settle kat sini je lah”.

 

At this point, a sly smile may creep up your face: Bangkok is not all that different from Kuala Lumpur after all.