no! yes …

 

so you walked into a bookstore and thought, “okay, i could do me some educationment on the Russian Revolution.”

 

but you ain’t got all the time in the world, right? which is just about how long it requires to understand the topic. so you pick up a small book by S. A. Smith … and learnt your lession: never ever read anything written by a Smith. or about the Russian Revolution. that said, the The Russian Revolution: A Very Short Introduction is a piss shitty book and if you think you’re gonna be enlightened by reading this book, you’re f*cking wrong. it is messy and you’ll know by page 3 Smith is self-absorbed wanker.

 

on the other hand, there’s Currie’s God is Dead. now, this is about the nicest thing said about any book thus far at this address. we think the book is a f*cking jam. make that gem.

 

it’s a quick read, really but maybe best to station it on the throne for poop reading in order that the book lasts. you know, so you don’t finish it in one go. it’s a simple strategy for those romantics who don’t look forward to finishing good books. but Currie you will finish, yessum. God appearing in the form of a Sudanese woman is f*cking brilliant, of course. and then it gets dark and disturbing. and then you finish the book and think, “goddamn, that was fun …”

 

riot

 

Péter Nádas’s Love is annoying! some a*sehole at Express on Sunday wrote on the back of his book and said it gave “a sense of acidic tenderness ~ the feeling that we have witnessed a tableau of exquisite dysfunction”. what the hell are you ranting on, Express?! the book sucks! literally. it sucks your soul right out of your left nostril!

 

who

 

the

 

hell

 

                                                writes

 

like

 

                                                                                this?

 

tell us which sober human being would want to read pages and pages and pages of that zig-zaggy shit about being high on ganja … ommigod, we wasted so much time reading that crap! help! help! help us get our time back or take our soul and feed it to the mythical lion of Zork already! Nádas, you jerk!

 

flip

 

we’re not exactly the kind of people who read what’s popular or cool. take for example Wonder Boys (Chabon). if it weren’t for a friend who cared enough about our coolness and introduced it to us, we probably wouldn’t have read it. and you know what? it wouldn’t have affected is a bit, not readnig it. okay sure, Wonder Boys isn’t a new book. but it was once new, when it first came out. and considering its reputation, it must have rocked the reading world from the start. not only did we not know about it when it was first published, we weren’t even a*sed to be curious when we eventually found out about it. it took a concerned friend to force the book upon us, and sure … we liked it. didn’t go crazy about it, but we liked it. must say though … Chabon can be quite annoying with his sentences. he does it sometimes, long sentences with lots of commas in them. you know, when a writer tries to say too much in a breath. it’s f*cking annoying. and even more annoying is that you know he felt good writing those sentences. you just know it. you can almost see the sly smile form on his face when he dots the period. by the way, the book’s made into a movie. we, of course, have not watched it and cannot be a*sed. for now, at least.

 

as for Oprah … well, we have much respect for Oprah, but we don’t give a bleeding damn what she’s reading, or if she likes a certain book and think the millions who watch her should also read it. what the f*ck, Anna Karenina? are you f*cking with us, Bretha?! we have jobs and bills to pay, damn it!

 

don’t ever read Godless Morality (Holloway). it’s annoyingly American.

 

and what’s up with all these books on how to make lots of money in 24 hours?! f*ck.

 

whatever happened to the Mr. Men and Little Miss series? we went all over the universe looking for them but with no luck! those were good shit. we’d put the series in at par with Lenore and Captain Underpants. look it up, kid. good shit.

 

yea … Madonna should never be allowed to address children. not even in writing. did anybody see that picture of her feeding chicken in her garden? 

 

gjør de tror at han forstår?

uhuh … yea … uhuh … exactly. 

i was thinking about Roald Dahl today … what do you mean i think about Roald Dahl everyday?! no … no, i don’t. no, that wasn’t me. you must have been talking to him. 

anyway, i was thinking about Roald Dahl today … me too! ommigod, we were thinking the same thing! what time did you think that? no, cause maybe we were thinking it the exact same time. that would be real weird though. almost freaky. i had that thought at about 3. yea, thereabouts. uhuh … you thought that, really? 

no, cause i was thinking about Roald Dahl today … yea, shut up so i can finish. i was thinking about Roald Dahl today and … exactly! who would have thought he was Norwegian! 

hello? hello?! hello …?