if you can’t kill them, join them … or the other way round

 

when i grow up i want to be a Latitudinarian. it doesn’t matter what kind as long as i get to tell people i’m a Latitudinarian. it’s too late for me to be a 17th century Anglican one, or a vegan one for that matter.

 

speaking of vegans … damn them. especially the political types. story goes something like, there were (at least) two vegans on campus back then who went around wearing fake beaver tails on the back of their jeans. what the bloody hell for, you ask? i don’t know … maybe they were half beaver? shit, which means they could’ve been the first two half-beavers to go to college! damn, that’s cool. the guy at African American Studies said they did it to challenge the norm. you know, do a Rosa Parks on everyone. they figured someone’s got to start wearing beaver tails before everyone else gets to. f*cking Yanks.

 

come to think of it, they could have been vegetarians. big difference the two ~ vegans and vegetarians. it’s like Sunnis and Shi’ites. most people tend not to differentiate between the two and would want to kill both. the beavers could have been lacto-ovo vegetarians. you know, vegetarians who eat eggs and dairy products. or just lacto vegetarians, where they eat dairy but not eggs. then again … maybe they’re ovos, taking eggs instead and not dairy stuff. those damn vegetarians are spoilt for choice! vegans don’t compromise these things. flora Nazis.

 

anyway, when i grow up i want to be a Latitudinarian. well you know, someone who departs in opinion from the strict principles of orthodoxy. sounds cool enough, so who gives a shit what that means. can you imagine being a librarian too?! how cool is that, to be a Latitudinarian librarian?! or a Latitudinarian veterinarian! goddamn …

 

Latitudinarian … a person who is broad-minded and tolerant, especially in standards of religious belief and conduct. ah, f*ck it. too much hassle.